Navigating Career Crossroads: Lessons from Jim and Pam's Journey
“It's not about me. I mean, this is your dream. And you went to New York to do this, so when you come back, you come back the right way.”
- Jim Halpert to Pam.
Before we begin, a note from yours truly:
I debated writing this blog post. I have put it on hold for a month now. What stopped me from moving forward was the need for more popular keywords. No one is looking for information on what to do when your spouse changes careers to something that will change your life and not for the better. Maybe I’m having difficulty finding the words to explain what I’m trying to convey in this blog post. I decided that I would not care about SEO keywords and would focus on writing for the pleasure of it. I have things on my mind, and I want to write about them. Maybe one day, years from now, someone like me will come across this post and relate so hard. So, future person reading this, I hope you find comfort in the words you’ll read here.
Follow Your Dreams?
I am talking about Jim and Pam from The Office in true brand fashion. More specifically, I want to discuss when they set out to follow their dreams. In season 5, Pam leaves for New York to attend art school. She’s gone for 12 weeks, and at the time, she and Jim were dating. Fast forward to season 9, when they are married with children, and Jim is leaving for Philly to start a new business. In both storylines, they are apart and have to deal with missing each other. Each storyline, however, had a different set of challenges.
Career Challenges in Relationships
In season 5, episode 4, Baby Shower, there’s a scene where Jim calls Pam to tell her about Jan’s baby shower, and Pam’s taking the call at the laundromat. She can’t hear Jim through all the noise, so Jim says he’ll call her later. Later, they call each other simultaneously, getting each other’s voicemails. Pam thinks it must be one of those days where they aren’t in sync, but they could have days like that together in Scranton. That’s true, but it’s even harder when you are apart. There’s this feeling of loneliness because you don’t get to see each other.
A few episodes later, in episode 8, Business Trip, Pam calls Jim to tell him that she’s failed art school and would have to retake the whole program, which meant another 12 weeks. On the other end of that call, Jim did not seem thrilled that she would be gone for three more months. The last three months were already so hard for them. He pauses but then proceeds to say:
“It's not about me. I mean, this is your dream. And you went to NY to do this, so when you come back, you come back the right way.” - Jim Halpert.
What is the right way? The right way can mean different things to different people. Jim wanted Pam to fulfill her dream, finish art school, and find something in her field that would be fulfilling. For Pam, she wanted to be with Jim. Even though she came back home and told him it wasn’t because she missed him, later on, she says she came home for Jim. She mentioned she’s coming home the wrong way, but is it the wrong way if that is what she desires? Then you could say the “right” way changed for Jim to whatever Pam wanted, and if she wanted to come home, that was the “right” way. You can see how supportive Jim was of Pam’s ambitions.
Balancing Dreams and Commitments: Navigating Career Choices with Your Significant Other
This brings me to my first question: Is it essential to consult with your significant other about the career choices you want to make? In short, yes. You should tell each other what you want to do, how you will get there, and get your significant other’s thoughts. So what do you do if they disagree with your plans? Do you squash your dream and listen? Do you ignore their wishes and do what you want anyway? Or do you find a way to make it work for both of you?
When I write that out that way, the answer seems straightforward: you find a way to make it work for both of you. But just like almost anything in life, it’s easier said than done. On the one hand, you’ve made a commitment to someone, and you’re happy with life and things in your relationship, but on the other hand, they are still their own person and have dreams and aspirations. Why would I want to stop them from pursuing their passions or dreams? Here’s the common rebuttal: "I didn’t sign up for this.” It’s a valid reason. While harsh as that may sound, some people are good with how things are and don’t want it to change.
Office Ladies Podcast with John Krasinski
A few days ago, I was pleasantly surprised to catch a new episode of The Office Ladies podcast with special guest John Krasinski. It was as if the universe was pushing me to write this blog post. While discussing many things, John mentioned one related to Jim and Pam’s relationship in season 9.
“One person has this huge ambition, the other wants to support them, and yet it steps on their existence. How do you navigate that? How do you support your partner in the biggest way while maintaining individuality for yourself?”
This is precisely the dilemma that so many people experience. Will their decision drive a wedge in their relationship?
The Struggle of Separation
From the first episode of season 9, Pam is already talking about how nothing exciting will happen to them for a long time and how she loves her life in Scranton. Jim is part of that happy life she lives in Scranton, so deciding on his own to start this business in Philly and then proceed to hide it from Pam was his first mistake. I did not love this storyline. In season 9, Jim was the worst. I felt for Pam. The whole situation was handled so poorly on Jim’s part.
Communication is critical in situations like this. Even though they talked about it and decided no, Jim went ahead and said yes to his friend. He should have revisited this conversation with Pam and found a way to make it work for both.
In both scenarios, the two of them were apart. Being apart from your spouse is so hard. It is the hardest thing to deal with when you are always with someone and suddenly you’re not. It’s tough if you have kids and resort to acting like a single parent. Just like Pam said to Meredith:
“I just did not realize how hard it was going to be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years, it whipped my ass in half a week.”
Making Sense of It All
I’m in a similar situation as Pam, except my husband is nothing like Jim, and thank God for that. You see, last summer, my husband was contemplating his career choice. As someone in his 40’s, this seemed like a risky thing to do, but 40 is the new 20…right? Sometimes, we don’t make career plans. We get a job because we need the money. Then, ten years later, you find yourself still doing the same job and not feeling fulfilled or wondering if there is something better for you.
My husband was looking for a job that would pay more and be less laborious. He decided to get his CDL last summer, and he did. I’m so proud of him for pursuing that. He found a way to get his CDL through a program that would pay for it; he graduated from CDL trucking school and found his first job. During all that time, I let him do his own thing. He seemed to know what to do, and I would step in whenever he asked me for my help. He had to pass a driving test and several written tests, and he passed them all. Getting your CDL is a lot of work and is so hard. The thing about my husband is that if he has his eyes set on figuring something out, he isn’t going to give up until he solves the problem.
While I was and still am proud of him for all his effort, it never dawned on me that this would mean he would be on the road driving away from us for weeks at a time. It didn’t even hit me until the day he was leaving. I couldn’t believe it was happening. It felt so fast because my brain didn’t process it until it was happening already. I didn’t stop him from pursuing trucking because he was set on doing it. He worked hard for it, and I didn’t want all that time and effort to go to waste.
He’s on a mission to find the right trucking job for him. There are many options, like over-the-road or long-haul, regional routes, local routes, dedicated, drayage, box trucks, class B jobs, etc. He’s trying them out individually, looking for the right fit. He’s Goldilocks trying to find the bed that’s just right.
As an empath, I understand what he is going through. He’s trying to find the right trucking job that will allow him to be home more, be less labor intensive, and pay him enough to support his family. He may be feeling some pressure, but I never want him to be in a position he hates. I want him to find the right job because if it were me, I know he would not stop me from pursuing my dreams. Marriage is all about supporting each other as best we can, communicating our feelings, and finding solutions for both of us. While I miss him when he is away, I know this is only temporary.
Pam is super supportive of Jim’s choice, even though she doesn’t like it. There may have been some resentment on her side because when they had that phone call when he missed Cece’s recital, she said she was trying to make everything perfect at home so that he could have everything he wanted. He didn’t see it that way, but he was doing something he wanted to do even though it meant leaving Pam and the kids at home. Even if she “agreed” to it, she said this was harder than she thought. They both had valid feelings, but Jim’s anger was about losing an investor, and he was taking it out on Pam. Pam did not take well to that, and I wouldn’t have either.
Overcoming Distance and Conflict
Couples fight; what’s important is not to keep having the same fight repeatedly. It’s time to find solutions that both can feel good about. We can’t always have things go our way 100% of the time. It will be hard if you’re in a relationship with your spouse or significant other traveling and you are left at home to take care of things. You’ll cry a lot and randomly. It almost feels like they’ve died. Dramatic, yes, I am. When you have a spouse in trucking, they are on the road most of the time and can’t chat on the phone while driving. My husband has been in jobs where he is training, so he can’t talk because when he’s not driving, he’s watching his driver and asking questions. It’s tough, but if this is you, you’ll get through as Jim and Pam did.
Jim and Pam went to couples therapy. They had homework where they were to acknowledge and appreciate each other’s sacrifices because Jim needed to appreciate what Pam’s been doing by being home alone with the kids. They also had to speak their truths. This means that if they had been more open in communicating with each other early on, they wouldn’t have had this “opportunity” to go to couples therapy. Oh, and “opportunities” are what they call everything they don’t want to do.
Jim has to leave to go back to Philly. He tells Pam how weird and hard this was today, but he thinks they are progressing. Then, as he is getting into the taxi, Pam comes out to give him his umbrella, which he left on his desk. He has difficulty forming words, so he goes in for the longest hug. Then you hear a snippet from their wedding where Jim’s brother is reading from the Bible:
“Love suffers long and is kind. It is not proud. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Jim takes some time off from Athlead to spend with Pam because they need it. He says their time together is more important than his work. He said he was spreading himself way too thin. It took him a while, but he realized he couldn’t simultaneously give 100% to two things.
“Well, you know, you can’t have everything, so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what’s most important. That’s my new thing.” - Jim Halpert
7 Ways To Deal With Separation From Your Spouse
We’ve identified that communication is vital regarding career decisions that affect the family. Supporting your spouse is essential, so what can you do while they are away to deal with the loneliness? Here are some of the things that have helped me.
1. Read a book
There’s a saying that you haven't found the right one if you don’t enjoy reading books. I enjoy young adult fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, and dystopian genres. Start a reading challenge. Go to goodreads.com, set several books you want to read this year, and start reading. I set a goal of 12 books in January and am on book 10!
2. Watch The Office
This one’s a no-brainer. If not The Office, try another show that is your favorite. Some of my other favorites include Abbott Elementary and Parks and Rec. For me, comedies are the best distraction.
3. Bake that dessert you saved on Instagram last year
How many saved dessert recipes are on your social media platforms? It’s time to pick up the ingredients and start baking.
4. Go for a walk
If you’ve read a few of my other blog posts, you’ll know that walking solves almost every ailment. I joined a walking challenge at work, and for two weeks, I stepped up my stepping game and lost 4 pounds. I consistently hit well over 10,000 steps daily for two weeks!
5. Start a side hustle that turns into a full-time job that retires your spouse
This one is all about playing the long game. Side hustles can take time. Anything that promises a quick return might be a scam. Do you enjoy writing? Could you start a blog? Do you make something that people might want to buy? Open up an e-commerce store. Have a lot of knowledge on a specific topic or skills you can teach? Create an online course.
6. Clean, like really clean
This one is hard, but once you muster the energy to get started, you can’t stop. My kitchen has consistently been clean, and I’m not complaining. You can also listen to music, audiobooks, or your favorite TV show while cleaning. Read my Spring Cleaning blog post for some inspiration and a free resource.
7. Cook something new for dinner
Like all those saved dessert videos on your socials, you have some savory recipes saved up. It's time to plan out which one to make. Enjoy your delicious new meal!
Final Words of Encouragement
If you find yourself in a Jim and Pam type of situation where one of you in the relationship is pursuing a career that the other isn't crazy about, I want you to know you're not alone. This is a tricky situation, and the best way to navigate is to keep the lines of communication open. If you pray, pray every day. Prayer is powerful. When you find that the compromise has your spouse away for weeks, try my seven ways to deal with the loneliness above. Remember, this is only temporary; it won't be forever. You've got this!
